When “Plan A” falls apart
Can you remember a challenge in your life that you faced, and you didn’t have the playbook? What was the situation, and what did you develop or learn about yourself? How is that character trait necessary for what you are facing today?
There are no shortcuts to developing resilience within the twists and turns of life and your relationship. When Plan A has fallen apart, there are more options than you think. Life is full of unpredictable, but when you feel trapped, there’s always a choice on where you will focus your next move. When you get bad news, there’s a choice to have a focus-based mindset and decide, “maybe this isn’t the end?”
We recently encountered an email that said, “Please help us. We love each other but we just received some bad news that could change the trajectory of our dreams”.
When you receive news that is devastating for both of you, it hits hard, and you each spiral into low-functioning at the same time. This can be a set up for a train-wreck in your relationship. Fear has a voice and often specific words that become thoughts in your mind. What if… and what if… and then, what if? In the train-wreck, the rails are the “what ifs”.
What if I don’t have what it takes to get through this?
What if something is horribly wrong with me?
What if I lose the dream that is so close to my heart?
When Plan A falls apart, it’s tempting to get angry, frustrated, depressed, or even resentful. The pain of loss feels the biggest when you are right in the middle of it. We can’t predict or prepare for everything life throws at us. Taking a birds-eye view of your entire life story helps to bring perspective, but what is some practical advice for the moment?
Here are six suggestions:
Find your calm. I (Audrey) usually start by letting go of the need to arrange my life and control the process. Easier said than done! But always worth the focus and trust in God.
Refrain from impulsive reactions by letting go of your rigid ideas of how this looks in the end. The more life experience I have (in other words, the older I get) the more I move towards being flexible with my goals. It’s a gift to Bob and the ones I love!
Guard your thoughts. Choosing to remember God’s promises and focus on His simple solutions can be your turnaround.
Identify your feelings. Give them a name and give them respect. There’s a story behind every one of them.
Be thankful and embrace the big promises: You are never alone. You are provided for. You are enough.
Brainstorm new ideas and alternatives. God is creative, and is not stuck on your Plan A or your Plan B! There may be a Plan C you have never thought of.
It doesn’t have to be devastating when things don’t go the way you’d like. We haven’t seen the punchline yet. Living in the Kingdom of God, the lifestyle is righteousness, peace, and joy. Sometimes we have to let go of our assumptions of what we need to acquire or experience to feel happy and calm and “as it should be”.
You can’t replace “relying on God and His plans” with “relying on my planner and my plans for me”. Holding loosely to our plans makes way for God’s purposes. The plans of man are many. And detailed. But in the end, God’s purposes and promises are what we can depend on.
Possibilities are everywhere!
Hear more about this topic on Episode 55 of All About Relationships Podcast with Bob and Audrey.