The Trap of Disrespect (and the way out!)
“That was so inconsiderate”. Have you ever noticed yourself sighing with disgust when someone who (apparently) loves you is disrespecting you? Let’s dive deep into the traps of disrespect, and then find our way out of its guises of despair.
The journey of course starts with the setup. Almost like a scheme that nobody warned you about, you feel alarmed and hurt by the ungracious assumptions that you're being accused of. It happened again: You accidentally hurt the person you love the most. Now you’re in trouble.
Here’s a sure way to feel disrespected:
Take things personally.
As soon as you’re faced with someone who is hurting, in despair, and overwhelmed, you conclude that this is a full-on attack. Even if someone is flat-out telling you it’s not your fault that they’re unhappy, it’s hard not to take their behavior personally. And their moods and anger are extremely inconsiderate. Welcome to feeling disrespected.
Hold on to your rights.
That’ll fast-track you straight to feeling disrespected. Because you are right, and you deserve to be treated right. No matter how much the other person is hurting themselves, they hurt you, and that is not okay. And you have a say in the matter.
Hold fast to your way of resolve.
This is not going to get better unless that other person apologizes for the rudeness, or meets you halfway, or manages to guess exactly what you need at the moment.
If you’ve been feeling disrespected, maybe you’ve been making something big out of a smaller issue or defending yourself by provoking extra criticism. Either way, we absolutely love to offer great advice to invite the good things in life: peace, love, kindness, and compassion. And one of the best ways to diffuse disrespect quicker than quick? Honor.
Isn’t honor an old-fashioned word? Well, maybe, but it is a sign of strong character, stability, and safety. And we all need a big dose of that. And if you need it, start by giving it away. Get the flow of honor moving in your relationship! Here are seven ways we found that are practical:
Instead of snide comments, show honor by using words that are kind, gentle, and complimentary.
Instead of an all-out assault when you’re offended, show honor by reaching out with an honest question, what have I done to hurt you? Be ready to apologize.
Instead of refusing to listen, show honor by using body language to show interest and respect and space for them to express their heart.
Instead of talking “at” them, show honor by giving value to their ideas and opinions. Talking “with” someone is two-sided with equal opportunity.
Instead of laughing and ridiculing, show honor by adding to their self-worth and dignity. Don’t let “your insecurity” take a stab at “their insecurity”.
Instead of talking behind their back, show honor by resisting the urge to tell others and defaming their character.
Instead of lying and ignoring their boundaries, show honor by pulling yourself away, and taking the time and space, you need to gain control of yourself.
The first thing anyone has to learn about respect and honor is that it takes time and longevity to nurture and be earned. By making yourself an example of stability and strength, you can be a person of your word and respect yourself by living with integrity. That doesn’t mean you have to be a perfectionist or uptight...in fact, it’s quite the opposite. Being human, you are always invited to be vulnerable and resist the temptation to run and hide or feel sorry for yourself.
You are courageous, you are joyful and you are calm. You honor others simply because it is always the best choice. And the rewards are endless! We often repeat ourselves when we say, when you love, you can’t lose!
Hear more about this topic on Episode 53 of All About Relationships Podcast with Bob and Audrey.