The art of conversation
A great question has the potential to unlock the best in someone. Who better than the ones you love most? Learning the art and design of formulating a great question is science! Investing in great conversations will reap a huge benefit and a reward of feeling fulfilled and bonded together.
Even if “talking” comes naturally, connecting in a way that leads to feeling loved and enjoyed is a wonderful adventure. Thriving relationships include connecting conversations, and the art of formulating our thoughts into words is a continual school of development and intention.
1. Conversation Starters and Questions
The Four L’s
Using the Four L’s we can continually get to know each other, stay connected, and care for each other. This custom can be something that is used at dinner time together, on weekends, or whenever the schedule allows. Each person takes turns answering the “Four L’s” as the others are “actively listening”.
Love: What did you love about your day? Or, how were you able to express love to someone today?
Low: What was the biggest challenge, or when you felt sad or upset today?
Laugh: What made you laugh? Laughing every day is an important part of physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional health!
Learn: What did you learn today? There’s always something to learn in this beautiful world God created for us!
Four Rules of Active Listening
Engage through eye contact, and look intently at the person who is sharing/talking
Encourage through responsive sounds and head nods
Expect to learn something new about the person who is talking (we never stop getting to know each other!)
Extend the person space - by refusing and resisting the urge to “interrupt” or “add your own ideas” until they are all done sharing
2. Conversations during Games
We prioritize playing games together with our friends and family, and this works for every age group.
No excuse.
Every person is creative because we are all tapped into our ultimately creative and amazing God! Instead of thinking which games we “can’t” play together, because our kids are too young, too old, or we don’t know anyone who plays games, ask God for a great game idea.
The purpose.
The reason this is important is it because it allows you to use your efforts of brain-power and sometimes body-power (depending on if your game is a physical or athletic one!) to have a healthy escape from the “realities” of life.
The outcome.
It is amazing how unique conversations become in a game setting. Your personalities have room to express themselves, and your competitive nature is placed in a setting where you can be playful and experience freedom.
Sometimes playing games together can cause a challenge because someone is a “sore loser” or somebody is getting teased. This becomes a learning moment, where we as parents can validate the one who has “feelings” and then love them in that place.
After they feel loved and accepted and celebrated, then we can call them “higher” to know that they are
Accepted
Approved
Amazing
You may find a game where there is no winner or loser, but just a scavenger hunt, or where you are all on the same team. Every family and friend custom can be customized in what “game time” looks and feels like, but it is always an incredible place to connect.
3. Prayer and Conversations with God
Prayer should never be forced, but rather a natural conversation. He is so full of amazing and wondrous characteristics!
We often pray in a three-part manner in which our family knows the structure, so they don’t have to be worried that they will be sitting for an hour in silence…(not very inspirational!) This can be full of faith, praise, and the posture of humility:
I THANK YOU Lord for…. (You can create a theme for this, including “the Names of God” “the nature of God” “The Promises of God”)
Lord, I CAST MY CARES upon you today. These are the cares….I will trust you too…..
I pray BLESSING over________. Take time to bless those around you.
Conversations are all about asking questions and actively listening. Engaging each other with heartfelt words can be compared to revelling in a feast of good food. Our words feed each other! Join us in our banquet of ideas for conversations with friends, family, and your spouse.
Hear more about this topic on Episode 53 of All About Relationships Podcast with Bob and Audrey.