The next time you feel annoyed, try this...

Your first realization of dysfunction is a pivotal moment!  So the next time something annoys you or makes you feel uncomfortable, recognize the value of that moment. Whether you are conscious of it or not: You are about to make an internal choice.

You are either going to accept this disconnect as normal, or you are going to take personal responsibility for the part you play in the interaction. Let’s explore how this happens, and hopefully, you will experience some inspiration to help you invest love into your relationships like never before.

First: The moment of disconnect

Someone you love says something or does something that affects you in a negative way.  It might be the first time this has happened, or it might be all-too-familiar. The feelings happen in a nano-second. You may feel annoyed, irritated, hurt or just plain uncomfortable.  Your immediate reactions have a lot to do with your unique and personal personality. (If you haven’t done so already, downloading the free book “My Personality Goals” really helps you to live out the best version of yourself!)

Second: Here’s your choice

You can do what most people do (without even knowing it)

OR

You can do what exceptional people do (that breaks the negative pattern)

Most People: The reason you feel annoyed or uncomfortable is that you feel the internal resistance to oppose the “comment” or the “action” that is seeming against you.  The reason you resist it is because you feel you deserve to be treated better. Or you feel guilty because the person is treating you better than you deserve. Either way, you are in conflict with your “sense of self”.

Deep down, we are all master-survivalists, so you either react by “dishing it out” and giving them some of their own medicine, or you over-apologize and make it all about yourself and self-deprecate, or you avoid them and close up.  As soon as you do one of these things, you have taken the quantum leap of choosing destruction.   

The definition of quantum is “a discrete quantity of energy proportional in magnitude to the frequency of the radiation it represents”.  I love this scientific definition because it’s the perfect description to say: “You might think you’re just “surviving the moment by making a tiny decision to react in a certain way”, but in actuality, it has a Magnus effect of dynamic proportion!  The smallest decision in your heart and subconscious is having a huge effect on your level of intimacy and feeling connected!

Your reaction is taking a quantum leap that locks you into your negative sense of self.  And 99% of people have no idea what they are doing this. And wonder why they don’t feel like “best friends” or feel vulnerability and security with each other. 

Exceptional People: First of all, exceptional people notice what’s going on and choose to refuse.  (I love that the statement even rhymes). Instead of choosing to just survive and settle, you search your own heart of how and why you reacted.  You became intentional and relational and super-courageous.

So, the next time you are annoyed, or irritated or uncomfortable, check yourself immediately.  Do something different than you usually do. For me, my “go-to” is to self-deprecate and profusely apologize, even though I’m the one that feels hurt.  This has led to years of me giving in to self-pity and not telling the truth of how I have been offended. In these instances, Bob doesn’t have a chance!  He just feels like a loser, and my passive-aggressive apologies just make him feel even worse, and the conflict is never resolved!

But not anymore.  We are going to take intimacy and courage to the next level. Instead of being scared and fearful of how the other will react, we are going to respond in:

100% Truth

100% Kindness

100% Courage

Mixing those three together is possible!  God is with you and can offer wisdom to feel “so loved” that you can’t help but love those around you. Relationship skills are developed, and they always start with you!  As you start implementing these three communication skills you will start thinking differently, and new ideas and opportunities will start popping into your life. 

Positive side: you start thinking different, new ideas, you start attracting different people and opportunities! 

To pursue God and yet refuse to pursue His process is not, in essence, pursuing God at all! Your first realization of dysfunction is when something annoys you or makes you uncomfortable.  There is Internal resistance to being less than what you are or being more than what you are. This becomes your choice. If you choose destruction, you will accept your situation as normal and take the quantum leap that locks you into your negative sense of self.  Choose freedom and start thinking differently, embrace new ideas with God’s promises and start living in new opportunities!  

Your life is about to get better and better!

Hear more about this topic on Episode 39 of All About Relationships Podcast with Bob and Audrey.