Responding in the opposite spirit
Fight fire with fire. The phrase “fight fire with fire” is an idiom that dates back to the middle 1800s. ... To fight fire with fire means to use the same weapons or tactics that an aggressor is using on you. Even though that’s the natural and logical reaction, it doesn’t work well in relationships. Taking personal responsibility for your responses is one of the fastest ways to revolutionize security and ultimately joy in your relationship.
For your relationships to get better, you have to get better, and responding in the opposite spirit to what you’re being faced with is not only mature but highly effective. Let’s face it, the best way to fight fire is with water. At least that makes more sense to us, and we’ve seen it played out in practical ways time and time again.
When you’re being faced with judgment, and someone is accusing and criticizing you, the likely reaction is to defend yourself by criticizing and accusing them right back. That, my friend, is the beginning of a destructive cycle that will never have a happy ending. It will turn into an all-out fight cycle and erodes all sense of peace and joy in your relationship.
Can you imagine preparing for such a moment, and being armed and ready for the opposite feeling, and sending out love, calmness, acceptance, and mercy? When you do, you change the atmosphere and the outcome of the conversation.
Here are some practical ways to apply wisdom when it comes defending yourself or “fighting back”:
Change your position. See yourself as calm, cool, and collected. Yet full of humility and unconditional love.
Take time to listen. When a disagreement erupts, consider listening and even agreeing with the other’s point of view...just for the sake of “hearing” with understanding!
Care...even when it costs you. Be generous with “thank-you’s” and even sacrifice yourself to serve the ones around you.
Recognize you might not be the whole situation. It’s so tempting to be stuck in our vantage point!
Allow yourself to be served. Don’t be self-sufficient and independent to the point where you’re “the perfect one”. Let yourself be weak and ask for help. Relationships are the mutual sharing of life with each other. Giving and Receiving develops a flow of energy that nurtures life and depth.
When you encounter greed prevailing in a situation, become generous. If you encounter depression, decide to be thankful and rejoice. In despair, embrace hope. In lies, speak the truth with extreme kindness.
This will not happen by accident. We are in a battle, and the greatest battles of history were not won on accident. They were won through preparation, strength, courage, and intentional strategy. We must be prepared.
Watch out world. It’s going to be a powerful day.
Hear more about this topic on Episode 59 of All About Relationships Podcast with Bob and Audrey.