Resolve the “Real You”
Ask the right questions, and you’ll notice a shift in your focus. But then take action steps towards the right questions? That’s when life gets great. The quality of your life will soar to new heights. Resolving the Real You and developing your life into the highest version of yourself is a gift to yourself and all of your relationships.
So what’s the best question? Well, let’s start with the sub-questions: Where should we go? What should we do next? How should we shift our careers? What should we do about our relationship? What’s the best way to survive in 2020? As important as these decisions are, the most important resolution you can make is linked to the core of who you are: The Real You.
When you have resolved the real you, you can “get planted” anywhere...good or bad, and you will thrive. When you have resolved the real you, you can live with difficult people, survive scenarios, and enjoy peace, joy, and fulfillment. Nothing can take it away from you! Bob has loved the tagline for the last twenty years: No matter where you go, there you are.
1. The pressure to be a “certain way” is real
There seems to be a worldwide, or at least culture-wide pressure of comparison and feeling lack, rather than feeling secure. There are certain measurements of things and money and beauty and personality-type that feels more ideal - as far as how the world measures success. This concept is rooted in an evil conspiracy that believes that some people are more important or valuable than others. This is the exact opposite of Godly-thinking and intent of His design.
When you’re trying to be like someone else, you’re (in essence) wishing you were a clone. A clone is a cheap imitation of the original. It loses its originality and uniqueness of design. As a Christ-follower, we are being transformed from glory to glory, into a greater manifestation of who He is on the earth. We have a relationship with Him, so He can help us celebrate our personhood and enjoy how we have been made. Every intricate and sometimes hard-to-understand detail. That’s part of the journey and adventure!
2. Why do I seem different than others?
God is not interested in making you be like anybody else. The message sent out to most people is: you need to be like me. The self-righteous and insecure person takes the position to require everyone else to do what they are doing so they can feel right about themselves. People who are secure in “the Real Me” will not let others remake them in their image. Most of us have been made to believe that who we are is inherently wrong and that God wants us to be somebody else. But God wants you to be the real you; the high-functioning version of the real you.
3. You’re a Stone, Not a Brick
You’ll never see two stones exactly alike, but the very goal of a brick is to be exactly like its neighbor. God wants us to be living stones – not man-made bricks. Say what? God makes a real distinction between us being stones or bricks because stones are unique and all different – none is the same shape, size, or color. We are “living stones” (1 Pet. 2:5).
Whenever we get self-sufficient and do things in our own strength we turn into the man-made version of ourselves. Whenever we wish we were more like someone else, we turn into our own selfish desired version of ourselves. This leads to frustration because you will never achieve this. Being fulfilled until you love who you are and embrace the unique and amazing creation.
4. Love the fact that you’re unique!
God needs you to be you. God wants you – your personality, sense of humor, and life experiences. You don’t have to try to become something new – you have already become something new. God says, “I have made you unique. There are things you can do that nobody else can do.” You are a distinct representation of God on earth.
Discover the cocktail of your uniqueness. We have written an entire (and free!) ebook on this very subject because we believe how important this is in relationships. (My Personality Goals link)
When you embrace the distinctions, then you can be free to be unashamedly yourself. Not a low-functioning version that bullies others saying, “Just deal with it...it’s just who I am”. No, no, no...every person has a gift to offer within their uniqueness that is loving. No excuses...there is an amazing version of you!
The most effective way to live like this “real you” is to walk and talk with your creator and develop a deep and thriving relationship with Him. He’s invisible, but once you get over that hump you grow to multiply and increase in every part of your life.
5. God Specifically Designed You!
This is where you just resolve the fact that you are loved. You are an incredible design, not just a chemical combination of DNA because two people had sex. God is the master creator and takes great joy in designing and orchestrating His masterpiece.
So what happened? Painful things have been said and done to you and you haven’t had perfect circumstances or the ideal family. There are varying degrees of this, but nobody is exempt. The pain you’ve experienced can “cover-up” or “dilute” the beauty of your design and even sabotage the quality of your life. That’s when many people conclude that they are flawed or defective. Coming into agreement that you God knows you and you are his handiwork is the beginning of resolving your “Real Me” and the beginning of endless possibilities and even probabilities.
What do we do now?
God loves to lead us and teach us as we develop our character so we are walking in the very best version of us that there can be. This is who we are predestined to be. The original design. Transformation is me becoming who I really am through yielding to God and through that process, everything happens effortlessly. And that, my friend, is when possibilities become probabilities. As you live out the “Real You”, it doesn’t matter what situation or relationship you find yourself in, you are secure, fearless and that beautiful, strong version of yourself.
Two homework ideas:
Read “My Personality Goals” (Free ebook)
Read our personal version of the “Real Me” for inspiration
Write out your real me. Start with even one sentence!
Hear more about this topic on Episode 58 of All About Relationships Podcast with Bob and Audrey.
Our Personal Version of the “Real Me”
Are you ready to do the work to develop your “Real Me”? There are many layers, and it’s one of our favorite things to help you with, simply because this exercise has highly influenced our lives in a personal way.
As an aid to your journey, we will attach the first version we created, when asked to write the “Real Audrey” and the “Real Bob” in first-person, positive and present tense. And of course, based on God’s promises.
Audrey: I have it all because I am His and He is mine. His banner over me is love! I am chosen and created by God to be His child. I love my life. I give it to Jesus. He is my true love. He is my song. My King enthralls me. I’m beautiful because He is beautiful in me. I love because He loves me perfectly and loves through me. Jesus has restored my innocence. I don’t judge because I choose to see people through God’s eyes. I don’t fear failure because God approves me. That’s all I need. I am enough. I don’t fear the future because God knows the future and has gone before me; each one of my days is established in His protective care. His provision and His promotion are mine.
I don’t base my feelings on circumstances because my heart is whole, and I live from the secret place in my heart – for that’s where I dwell. I smile a lot and love to laugh because funny things happen and celebrating life comes naturally to me. I dance because I treasure freedom. I enjoy spacious places because my boundaries are established and secure, I sleep in sweet peace because I’m so safe in God’s arms of love. When loss happens, which it does in this world, I can cry with Him and I know His comfort fills every part of me and gives me even more beauty in exchange for the ashes. If disappointment shadows me, it’s only because I was trying to control the process. I trust Him, therefore I don’t have to control! If a negative emotion emerges, I go to my secret place and ask God to show me the root of the emotion. Most likely there’s a place I’m not trusting Him, or maybe I’m forgetting who I am in Him, and how He values me and approves of me, I am not self-centered because I love Him more than I love myself. Material things, luxury, and comfort are nothing without Him...but yes, I enjoy them knowing they are not my source of happiness. I am healthy, flexible, and strong.
I’m not paranoid about sickness. I smile at my inward organs and remember that every single cell in my body is healthy and in agreement with God’s healing. Enjoying God is my favorite part of living. I’m thankful for my secret place with Him and can’t wait to see Him face to face.
Bob: I am gentle yet a strong leader. I clearly see the vision for the future and embrace God’s wisdom to implement His plan for my life, my family, and ministry. I forgive easily, and I am slow to get angry. I don’t base my life on circumstances; for I dwell in the secret place of the Most High. I live there every day. I don’t’ have to react to circumstances, because my heart is whole and healed, I don’t have to react in bitterness and judgment. I show mercy and see the best in people. I tap into God’s simple solutions for what seem to be complex problems. I am deeply loved by my Father and feel secure in that love. I am not a disappointment. I am satisfied with God’s unfailing love. I trust God each moment and I hear His voice. I see each day as a gift and am intentional about dying to self and releasing God to live His life through me. I am generous and kind. I am passionate about my family and I experience effortless victory in fulfilling my role as a husband and father.
What about you?
That’s it! Sounds a little like heaven on earth – and that’s exactly what I’ve begun to experience since living this dream and collectively gathering my resources each and every day – and for lack of better words – milking each day for everything it’s worth! I want you to dream, hope, and anticipate an incredible future. Each day can be new, with fresh mercy and God’s unfailing love and forgiveness. I want you to experience “new” and even more than that I want you to experience true freedom from the past!
As you articulate the real you” remember – It’s tempting to believe that our dream includes more money, great relationships, vacations, and luxuries, but those are things we cannot be sure of. Because they involve other people’s choices. However, the one thing you can be sure of is that you are in perfect agreement with how God sees you and feels about you. The gift of a healed heart is not contingent on anyone’s behavior but your own.
I pray that you will be filled with hope in your heart. You are doing the heart work to end the destructive cycles in your life once and for all.