Respond-ability #4 - The Process

How do you respond well when you're in the middle of hurt and offense? When emotions are whirling, and your buttons are pushed, how in the world do you turn this around? We’re glad you asked.  

ONE:

First of all, validate your hurt and pain. In order to identify and understand your feelings, deduct your current emotion, and then add some synonyms! As you find like-words, your pain will feel heard with detail and precision. (i.e. My feeling was unappreciated. I found similar words that fit: Taken for granted; neglected; overlooked; tolerated)

TWO:

Identity the opposite emotion. This is the one we are going towards! In my example I found celebrated, warmth, liked, and adored. Now I can make my decision precise: I’m ready to be done feeling tolerated, and I’m ready to start feeling celebrated.

THREE:

Decipher where you’re stuck. If you’re guessing what the other person said or did what they did? You’re stuck. If you’re judging and presuming the “why” behind what they said or did, you’re stuck. Admitting and recognizing these moves you towards freedom!

FOUR:

Confessing your reactions to the guessing and judging comes next. Typical reactions are moodiness, avoidance, or aggression).

FIVE:

Turn the corner! Align yourself with the truth. Find a way to feel and experience the love of God. Find your assignment from Episode #58 where we talked about the “real me”. Write down, or meditate on a sentence that validates your true identity!  

SIX:

Discipline yourself to write out an empowering belief that applies to your situation, Even though I'm feeling________, the truth is _____________. For myself, even though I’m feeling tolerated and unappreciated, the truth is, Jesus likes and celebrates me and many people enjoy me!”

SEVEN: 

Create a visual or remember a distinct memory of when you felt that positive emotion. For example, I allowed myself to feel and remember my morning phone calls with my parents when I call them, and I’m met with extravagant warmth and love.

EIGHT:

Forgive! The person who offended you has way too much power. This is the step where you send the offense away, It’s not worth it, and you are much more interested in focusing on your positive emotion. Forgiving doesn’t erase the past, and a healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember.