I’m giving more than I’m getting

What do you do when you realize that marriage isn’t going to supply your needs? You thought you married the person who would help you up when you’re down, carry the load when you’re tired, and make you laugh when you lose perspective. There is a natural ability and desire to bring happiness, safety, and a sense of belonging into your marriage, but the desire to love unconditionally can fade, especially when you feel like you’re giving more than you’re getting.

This is unfair

The idea of “being fair” is dangerous ground and can quickly get you into relational trouble. It may very well be true. You are likely correct in how much you sacrifice in certain areas. Assessing the situation from your own perspective will always lean towards your favor. And the more you do it, the more frustrated and dissatisfied you will get. 

I thought you would do more for me

We all have hopes and dreams that eventually turn into expectations. We got married to be happy, fulfilled, safe, and maybe even...dare we say...served? Sure, there’s the romantic stuff. We imagine being served coffee in bed (because good spouses do that for each other) and having our feet rubbed but even if that’s a pipe dream, what about the real things in life? Who is going to make the money? Pay the bills? Clean the house? Get groceries? Care for the kids? Who is going to care for my mental and emotional state when I’m full-on stressed out?  

The source of everything

We can be each other’s partners and #1 contributors, but never ever can be each other’s source. It doesn’t work. No human is perfect enough or loving and powerful enough to always be there for you, and make sure your life is working, That’s where God comes in. Not as a religious cliche, or a pat answer, but really there. Your creator, the one who designed you and is the true lover of your soul. Yes, he’s invisible, and that’s where it feels confusing, but in his magnificent greatness (and hugeness) He manages to make himself person-sized and is with you every day and every moment.  

The important question

Ask yourself, do I depend on my spouse to be my source? If you said yes in any area, (which we all have) for provision, for joy, for help, for encouragement, for friendship...identify which area fits you, and take a moment to reflect. Talk to God, and take the pivot. Tell Him that you want Him as your source for “that”...and start choosing Him and thanking Him and watch your heart turn.  

Knowing God as your Source delivers an unfathomable sense of hope and future. You can be each other's #1 contributor but you can never be each other’s source. Your gift of knowing God as your source takes the pressure off your spouse to fulfill something they were never designed to be.  

There’s nothing you need that God cannot provide. Marriage is designed as a one of a kind relationship that uniquely develops your interdependence on God. Experiencing God as your source will satisfy your heart while giving you all that you need to grow and tend to the garden of your marriage.

Hear more about this topic on Episode 72 of All About Relationships Podcast with Bob and Audrey