How to recover from a lie
When we are scared, or essentially don’t feel safe, we will control our behaviors and our conversations. We may even filter information and withhold information that may cause conflict. The result is a disconnect that seems impossible to recover from. If someone you love isn’t telling you the “whole truth” maybe you haven’t been in a safe place to be vulnerable. It’s easy to blame the other and take sides, but taking a close look at your level of mercy is always a great place to start when you’re ready to bring true resolve.
You didn’t intentionally “lie” but withholding important information can breach the level of trust in a relationship. Jesus gives us the perfect communication model by teaching us to speak the TRUTH in LOVE. Maintaining 100% truth and 100% is the ultimate communication goal, but usually, people are better at one more than the other.
If you are a “truth” person, and someone you love isn’t being transparent, be prepared for the confession by being a safe place for their vulnerability to land. After they confess, be ready to thank them before bringing any correction. Make your response 80% thankfulness, then 10% expression of your hurt, and then another 10% an appreciation of their honesty. Thankfulness says, “Thank you for sharing and confessing that mistake. I know it’s uncomfortable for you to own your mistake, and it would have been easier for you to cover this up, but you chose love by telling me the whole truth…I feel very loved when you tell me the truth.”
If you are a “love” person, and you’ve been holding back some truth, take courage and start the conversation by confessing your lie, and own your lack of respect. Your confession says, “I have something to confess, and my reason for telling you this (now) is that I love you, I want intimacy, and I don’t want secrets between us. I have deep regret for not sharing this sooner, and I can only imagine that this makes you feel very disrespected, I have no excuse for this, but I am asking for mercy, and hope that you will receive my apology.”
Recovering from betrayal is a road that takes patience and mercy from both people involved. As you intentionally pursue each other and choose both truth and love, God’s kindness and mercy are extended, and there can be amazing resolve that results in deepened intimacy.
Hear more about this topic on Episode 73 of All About Relationships Podcast with Bob and Audrey