Fixing the Small Things
Sometimes it feels easier to ignore the small conflicts, the dirty looks, or the simple misunderstandings in hopes that they will simply stop happening. Even forgetting an errand, or something trivial can turn into conflict and after a while, we stop enjoying each other like we once did. Most arguments stem from the refusal to own or take responsibility for the small things and many times we lose the ability to create resolve that feels mutual and kind. Most conflict is the result of endless mutual accusations over trivialities that emotional maturity and honesty would have prevented in the first place. So instead of ignoring the small things, consider developing a connection plan.
When disconnect happens, what’s the first thing to do?
Keep it light! Let yourself have imperfect moments, and let others have imperfect moments. They happen! When we get needy, we tend to get serious. Very serious. Serious about the other person and what they did or didn’t do. Or say. A small offense can be averted quickly if you develop the skill of lightening up the mood quickly.
Keep it light by knowing what you need.
Some find it difficult to make their needs known, and get frustrated that their loved ones aren’t “reading their mind” or “noticing the obvious”. When we articulate our needs, we set up our relationship for success. A good thing to say is “I feel a little needy, and I just need extra. I don’t feel like analyzing it or getting into detail, I just need extra. Extra kindness, warmth, light conversation, easy friendship.”
Keep it light by being humble.
It’s natural to over-react when you feel sensitive. The key to painless growth is humility, which is dropping pride and pretense and accepting fallibility as a normal human characteristic. As we mature, we change from being competitive “getting our own way” and more cooperative. To win in life means to give up the obsession of who’s at fault.
Keep it light and recognize resistance
If you’re feeling anger and discomfort, recognize your resistance. Resistance is always about holding on to your opinion. The truth is, Jesus has the ultimate opinion of your situation. He loves the person you are frustrated with and has a heavenly perspective. He sees the other person’s journey and struggle and has mercy. When we get stuck in our earthly perspective, we’ve decided our opinion is more legit than God’s. We feel like saying, “God, your opinion must be distorted!” We are invited to line up our feelings and be in agreement with Him, which is always unconditional love.
Lastly, when a challenge comes your way, remember, there’s always opportunity and invitation for growth. Never waste your pain!