Re-creating memories

Relationships work best when they flow easily and effortlessly with enjoyment and meaningful connection. In order to experience this level of wholeness, it takes two hearts that have been restored. Indicators of healing and restoration are when we aren’t needy or hardened. At times we may experience challenges, loss, and tiredness from living in this world, but we can remain warm, complete, and unnerved.  

The very definition of restoration is being mended, repaired, rebuilt, reconditioned, and refurbished. When our inside world of thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are reconstructed, we begin operating in sync with how our creator God originally intended. Unconditional love, perfect love is the medicine and salve that every heart needs to feel renewed. Bottom life: we need God. 

What does it take to experience this level of restoration? 

Sometimes we have to go back in time. When a memory flashes through your mind and triggers feelings of regret or embarrassment from something you did, you have the opportunity to visit that memory and bring the healing of Jesus, or you can let it brush by. God doesn’t force this journey, it’s our choice. When you think of someone and bitterness rises up, that’s an indicator of pain unresolved. Something has been said or done to you. An injustice has been left uncovered. Restoring what has been damaged is the pathway to feeling complete and empowered.  

We don’t dig up the past or give focus and unnecessary attention to give bad memories power. This can be counterproductive because focus makes thoughts and feelings stronger. But when they rise up and we feel ready, we can choose to re-create that memory. Jesus wants to love us in our deepest hurts. He wants to bring understanding, compassion, and a new way to remember.  

A re-created memory is not a deleted memory

Bob has been quoting Lewis Smede’s definition of forgiveness for a few years now: “It takes one person to forgive, it takes two people to be reunited. Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember.” 

A recent and personal example of re-creating a memory

Audrey: I was reading scripture two days ago, and 2 Corinthians 5, and in essence the message was clear: God isn’t keeping a record of our sins, and gives us the assignment of reconciling people to God. We are ambassadors who carry the message of Jesus, we can always get close to God and receive Him as our righteousness!

This is a wonderful scripture, but for some reason, I had a negative reaction. I had a distaste… something panged within my heart, and I noticed. It was the word, Ambassador. I had a memory attached to this word, and I usually skim right past it, but I’m ready to invite Jesus to re-create my memories and face them head-on. Psalm 139:5 says “In kindness, he follows behind me to spare me the harm of my past.”

The damaging memory took place18ish years ago when I was surviving immense amounts of shame. Those of you who haven’t heard this story, I had an affair, told bob, got pregnant, and survived what we felt was a huge crisis. We had our baby boy Robert, and we have since experienced tremendous amounts of healing, wholeness, and even wisdom from this season of our life, and the best reward is our 20-year-old son. (We highly recommend you listen to our story with the detail and vulnerability that we poured into podcast episodes 1 through 4)

Swimming in shame and attempting to rejoin the troupes of work, ministry, and life, I was commissioned to write and perform a song about being an Ambassador. I wasn’t exactly proud of the song I composed but had to follow through with performing with a band as I was on the keyboard. During the practices and performance, I could feel the disgust and ridicule of the band members. They didn’t want to be there. They didn’t respect the song. They were dumbfounded as to why I was even around as I should have been disgraced and disqualified from any form of ministry. (The weird thing is, I don’t remember who these people were!) 

Please note: All of these observations were made up in my head. The band members refrained from saying a word, but this was the message I derived from their facial expressions and their unspoken body language. My interpretation and story and narrative. But the important point was, I felt like an utter fool, deeply embarrassed and mocked. Fast forward to today: Jesus longed for me to remember so that He could show me where He was and how He wanted to love me.  

In order to experience healing, I go back into my memory with as much detail as I can, and invite Jesus into the movie. Whenever I have done this in the past, I see Him shielding me, protecting me, holding me, and healing me. This time was different. Yes, He was beside me and supporting me, but He said, “Stand up and face your adversaries.” 

As I stood tall and confident, turned around, and faced the mocking, I wasn’t mean or mad. But in astounding strength, I said, “Every person has challenges, and choices to make within those, and I have no idea what you’re going through. I validate your opinions about this song. It’s likely embarrassing and for that, I am sorry that you are having to endure this. I do want to offer you a loving warning. If you are attempting to stab me with criticism or shoot me with mocking arrows, please be careful. I have a pure heart and a protective forcefield of God’s Holy spirit around me, so not only are those arrows not reaching me, there’s a strong chance they will ricochet and hurt you. I don’t want you to continue hurting yourself. That’s all!” 

What I loved about re-creating this memory is that Jesus smiled and I didn’t deviate from kindness, mercy, or gentleness but was able to love them without being defensive. What a victory! What a great memory! Sometimes Jesus asks us to stand and face our adversaries!  

I hope this helps you with your relationships when you feel attacked. You may or may not have a similar conversation with them in the physical world, but Jesus wants to establish His presence with you. His support and protection are very real, and you are invited to feel strong and loving all at the same time.  

So let’s invest in establishing your dignity and worth 

We have a choice. For those that feel as though they are living in a world (the same world that everyone else is), and that life is happening to them rather than being created by and for them, it is very easy to see why people feel like victims.  

The narrative: “Life is happening, people are doing things to me, things are happening to me and I have little control over the things that happen in this world.” This pattern of thinking causes us to blame the outside world for our negative emotions and experiences rather than see the invitation of God wanting to love us.  

Everyone is going through their life lessons and trials, and anyone can choose to “wake up” and be aware of God’s healing power. Allowing Jesus to heal our hearts, and courageously facing and re-creating our memories sets us up for amazing relationships.