Creating a culture of honor
Have you ever felt disrespected in your relationships? If that’s the case, you are not alone. It is likely that the person who is acting disrespectfully towards you may have issues of insecurity and feels highly misunderstood and unheard. Their reactions and pushback are demonstrated in a way to diminish others to feel empowered and good about themselves.
How can we overcome mistreatment and disrespect? How can we strategically and selflessly love those around us to cultivate honor? Those are the questions that will promote the power of love that truly “never fails”. For this to start, it takes one person. One person who will experience God’s love, establish the confidence of knowing their dignity and worth, and refuse to react in a harmful way.
Have you ever met someone who never feels disrespected, even in the direst of treatment? If that’s the case, we must ask, what makes you susceptible to feeling disrespected?
You “feel” disrespected when you
Cling tightly and focus on your right to be right, and your right to be treated right. No person should be subject to abuse, but on the other end of that spectrum, the person who is fixated on everything their partner does wrong, will only see the mistreatment and see themselves as a victim.
Hold firmly to your expectations or standards, and insist that those around you see everything the same way as you.
Some people are so fixated on not being “disrespected,” that they will go to great lengths to demand respect from others. But does that work? If someone is disrespecting you, do you disrespect them back? That is the most important question. Because just like our episode “Fight fire with fire” isn’t a great solution, You can’t fight “feeling disrespected” by disrespecting the person back.
Instead of demanding respect from others, consider this
Be honorable and trustworthy in your relationship. (Bring a high standard).
Refuse to take behavior and words personally. (Even if someone does something disrespectful, I can choose not to feel disrespected).
Surround yourself with respectful people. (I attract respectful people to my life).
Reevaluate and revisit your expectations. (Are they truly serving you?)
Consider that the person is hurting. (Even if someone is genuinely rude or disrespectful to you, there could be reasons for that: Perhaps they're jealous of you or feel threatened or insecure).
Work to become someone who people want to be around. (Instead of spending your efforts demanding respect and trying to get people to change their behavior).
Find personal confidence and inner peace by developing your dignity and worth through spending personal time with God.
The difference between respect and honor
Respect focuses on behavior, doing the appropriate thing. Respect acknowledges a person's position and can become an outward technique to “look good” to others.
Honor comes when you recognize a person's worth or value. Honor comes from the heart, something deeper, that results in appreciation of that person. Honor builds the hidden bonds that provide great strength and long-lasting unity. Honor looks for what needs to be done before being asked. Honor adds a deeper dimension to relationships.
Where there is no honor, fear will want to enter and seek control. Control opens the door for evil disorder, strife, jealousy and selfish ambition. The antidote is love. Only love has the power to remove all fear. Honor can then be restored resulting in harmony within the relationship.
Practical ways to express and show honor to those around you:
Generously give compliments.
Treat others with respect by being polite, courteous, and having good manners.
Be understanding and engaged.
Be patient and gentle.
Ask questions and remain interested.
Challenge your assumptions.
Overlook small mistakes.
Show compassion. (I will love you in your pain but I won’t leave you there)
Celebrate accomplishments.
Listen and give assurance with your responses.
Encourage and emphasize strengths.
Learn from others and be teachable.
Be proactive in finding ways to help in practical ways.
Appreciate your differences.
Accept help without being overly independent.
Be open- open your heart, open your eyes, open your mind to new possibilities.
Become honorable and trustworthy: This is when your very presence and proven character attracts others’ respect.
Can you imagine the power that honor can bring to every one of your relationships? In your heart, you speak the truth: “I esteem you and regard you...I appreciate and recognize who you are. I hold you in high regard. I celebrate, compliment, and acknowledge you. I have a high opinion of you. I choose to see the “best you” and focus on your gifts to this world. I see beyond your “acting out” and love you on your worst day.”
Hear more about this topic on Episode 61 of All About Relationships Podcast with Bob and Audrey.