Productive Conversations

A conversation is an encounter when hearts and minds exchange ideas, feelings, and happenings. When each person is secure and patient in listening, there’s a setup for success. Conversations are a gift to our relationships that have the potential to become a search and discovery of matters of the heart that keep us connected and feeling close.  

If you’re ready for great connections, good times, and homes and friendships filled with peace, we have created some ideas for harmony and interesting interaction. Being proactive and prepared makes for very productive conversations!

Five things to bring to a productive conversation:

It’s a loving move to contribute to conversations and here are a few ideas. Keep exploring what works for your customized connection!

  1. Bring interesting ideas. Whether it’s something you recently read about, or got inspired with, take time to remember and bring it up the next time you encounter each other.

  2. Bring encouragement. Noticing is everything! Be attentive to the “little things” someone has done for you. Being appreciative can happen silently in your heart. But what joy it is, when you use words to appreciate each other. It’s like planting seeds into their heart.  

  3. Ask questions that generate further conversation. Stay involved and ignite your curiosity.  

  4. Bring fun and positivity. Enjoyment and excitement aren’t shallow when it comes to connecting. Laughing together, and bringing fun stories are great, or just be ready with joy in your heart so that participation comes easily. 

  5. Bring vulnerability. Your journey through life is important to each other. Share what has been the most challenging for you lately. Share what has been most rewarding. It’s a great way to connect with those who are closest to you. 

Three skills to develop for productive conversations

  1. Receive their words. I Don’t reject others' thoughts or feelings or opinions. Let them soak in before reacting! Accept and “walk in their shoes” to understand why this would be important to them.

  2. Read the room - Be aware if the person you’re with is ready to move on. Pay attention to the signs and don’t take it personally if they’re ready to change the subject or continue at a later time.

  3. Prepare. Practice your perfect conversations in your mind and imagination ahead of time. Especially if it’s an important conversation, investing in the preparation doesn’t mean over-thinking but rather an exercise of bringing value and worth to the other person. 

Three attitude checks for the best conversations

  1. Allow - allow - allow. Your attitude of learning new levels of that person’s heart will make them feel loved. Allow them to have their journey even if it’s hard to comprehend, or even feel offensive. Our perception is our reality. Their experience is theirs, so don’t compare yourself to them, or measure your commitment against theirs, but rather give them the gift of having space to share.

  2. Acquire wisdom. Learn, study, digest, and have the attitude of humility. Consider the other person more important than yourself. Seek to understand, listen until you do. Fools make every conversation about “them” and can’t see beyond their agenda.

  3. Make value your goal. You want that person to feel valued and important. You want them to walk away feeling accepted and held. You don’t want them to feel like they’re in trouble, judged or analyzed, just loved.   

Connecting scripts

Here are some practical questions that you can ask. Always start with gratefulness, for that is always the portal to feeling hopeful. 

  1. Are you feeling secure in our relationship right now?

    Do you have examples of Why? Or Why not?

  2. Do you have any unresolved hurts or moments of disconnect that we need to talk about?

  3. (COUPLES) Are you happy with our expression of physical intimacy this week? 

    What do you want more or less of?

  4. Are there moments this week you turned away from vulnerability or transparency?

    How come and How can we improve that?

  5. In what ways can I show up for you this week to help demonstrate that I care?

In closing, we love a decree we recently read from “Decrees from the Psalms” by Elizabeth Nixon. From decree #28, it says this:  

I LOOK for ways to be gracious and kind

I CLOSE my ears from gossip

I TURN my eyes from impurity

My mouth SPEAKS the kindness of His heart

We believe that your future is bright!

Hear more about this topic on Episode 138 of All About Relationships Podcast with Bob and Audrey.

Bob & Audrey Meisner