169 / We don’t agree! (Here’s a great plan)

Let’s be real. Frustration and turmoil can arise when we disagree about a decision (especially an important one) and insist that others adopt our perfectly shaped worldview. People are unlikely to change no matter how much you demand it. People cannot change the basic essence of who they are, what they believe, and what’s important to them, just because someone is asking them to! We hold our personal convictions very close to our hearts, and another person can’t hold the exact same convictions as you.

We get ourselves in a lot of trouble when we insist that other people must abide by all of our personal convictions. Relationship frustration takes place when you are insisting that someone hold your convictions when they simply aren’t able to. We can honor each other's convictions, and understand and listen to each other's convictions, but generally, it’s impossible to hold one’s convictions out of obligation. When you hear yourself say, “If you love me, you would agree with my convictions” we are setting ourselves up for a big misunderstanding. 

Relationships always include “individuals” with their own unique sets of convictions and beliefs! Convictions are deeply personal and unlikely to change even when we love each other and want to honor each other. Let’s learn the art of accepting differences of opinion within relationships, fostering open communication, and identifying areas of agreement while honoring individual convictions. This is a wonderful way to live in sweet harmony in our family and relationships!  

Bringing the Gift of Understanding

Accepting each other in our differences of opinion is part of unconditional love. While a conviction speaks to a belief that an individual finds unwaveringly important, it does not necessarily mean these beliefs perfectly align with those of a loved one. The mistake many make is attempting to demand conformity from their loved ones, setting the stage for misunderstandings and friction. Recognizing and accepting each other's personal convictions not only promotes personal growth but also lays the foundation for unconditional love and a deeper understanding of mutual respect.

You Don’t Need to Win

Rather than aiming to prove someone wrong or win an argument, it is far more crucial in a relationship to listen to each other, genuinely acknowledge viewpoints, and make each other's opinions feel validated. By fostering open and non-defensive discussions, spouses can ensure the other person's voice is heard, respected, and even admired, leading contentious situations on a path towards calmness and common understanding.

There’s a PLAN C

When faced with issues that exhibit shades of gray, it is essential to relinquish the limiting mindset of adhering strictly to plan A or B. What if there is an even better way if we put our heads and hearts together? Through open-mindedness and a willingness to explore alternate paths, creative solutions can be harmonized to better meet the needs and core values of everyone involved.  

Focus on the Good Stuff

During moments when disagreements arise, it is beneficial to reframe the narrative by focusing on areas in which both individuals share alignment instead of fixating on differences. This exercise fosters an appreciation for each other's unique perspectives and engenders a greater sense of unity and companionship. 

Think outside the box! Make adjustments! Take a break!

There are ways to feel closer within our differences and make the best decisions when we are flexible, adaptable, and feel secure in who we are. 

Hear more about this on Episode 169 of the “All About Relationships” podcast with Bob and Audrey.