Seeking first to understand

Problems arise when we don’t understand. Every problem can be solved when we truly understand. Seeking to understand and the willingness to listen is a choice that will lead to engaging relationships! As Stephen Covey says, “It’s critical: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” 

Relationship problems can feel debilitating, paralyzing, and draining. Instead of feeling powerless and frustrated, let’s consider a new approach. What if problems are a stepping stone to enjoying life like never before? What if your perceived biggest setback may be the very thing that could launch you forward into benefits for your life that you may not have gotten any other way? 

People tend to look at problems as facts, but problems are simply a lack of understanding. There is something or someone that you don’t fully understand. There is an invitation to expand your capacity to see from another’s point of view. There’s a depth of empathy that hasn’t been explored, and there are levels of unconditional love that have the potential to unlock new beginnings. Most people feel powerless when problems arise. Resolving problems can bring deeper connection, newfound understanding, and emotional capacity for future challenges.

And it starts with you. Once we have understood we will find acceptance which quickly lends itself to appreciation. And everyone wants to feel appreciated. Knowing how loved and accepted YOU ARE by God is the fuel that strengthens us to move towards those who have hurt us, instead of judging them.  

Divine design watches over you, understanding protects you

Proverbs 2:11 tPt

Understanding protects you from problems “having their way with you”. Maybe it feels like people aren’t really listening to you. It feels like they aren’t that interested, or too focused on their own agenda. Seeking real understanding affirms the other person and what they have to say. That’s what they want. That’s what we all want - to be understood, valued, and affirmed.  

There are two of you in every relationship. Even if one person truly listens, it’s better than none. More importantly, when one person listens, it generally leads to two people listening. Feel empowered to listen like never before, and seek to understand. Imagine the outcome - problem-free relationships - the dream is real!

Hear more about this topic on Episode 94 of All About Relationships Podcast with Bob and Audrey.