Pt. 7 Leveling Up - The gift of trust changes everything

The one thing that changes everything is trust. We are confident that this is an absolute reality.  

If you’re ready to experiment further with how trust works in your relationships, you are truly ready to level up. It may seem that many issues you might face in your life feel like tragedies outside your control, but you can start building trust and giving trust and being trustworthy. 

Your ability starts with security

Your ability to establish, build, extend, and even restore trust has everything to do with the solution. And it starts with feeling healed from trauma and secure in who you are. Why? Because the way we solve problems and get things done is with and through trust, and nothing is more impactful than trust. And the only way to trust others and become trustworthy is to establish how loved you are. That’s when rest and security start their work in you and you can trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on understanding.

Do you feel like you’re always wrong and always in trouble because they don’t trust you?

Trust has been broken, and even though your loved one isn’t actively trying to hurt you, their questioning and suspicions seem unbearable. When will you ever be able to earn trust again?  

We want you to feel empowered so that you can start the trust process.

Audrey: 

There was a day about 18 years ago when Bob gave me the gift of trust. I couldn’t have performed enough to ever earn it. I couldn’t have cried and been sorry enough to deserve it. Yet, he offered it to me out of his love. It’s the most beautiful gift Bob has ever given me in this lifetime. I cherish it. I treasure it, and I live up to it. 

What happens when we trust? 

RESTORED FRIENDSHIP

Recently we were asked:

How do we get our 15-year-old to want to hang out with us again?

We started asking them more about their son. We asked about his passion, his interests, and most of all, his heart. Their faces lit up as they described his gifts, their best memories together, and his personality. They talked about the fact that he was strong and talented enough to play football, but that he just didn’t have the heart to fight. The more they described him, the bigger their smiles became. 

We then asked the question, “Your son sounds like an exceptional person. Would you like to give him an incredible present?” They said, “yes...maybe that’s what he needs…a present?”

“We think we know what your son is craving and longing for more than anything. We think this present would change everything for him”. “What is it?” they asked.

Trust. Why don’t you sit down and tell him that you’ve decided to give him the gift of trust? He can stop beating himself up and he can stop trying to jump through the hoops to earn your acceptance.

You have the opportunity to draw a line in the sand, step over that line and give your loved ones the gift of trust. Sure, they may mess up again, but because there is trust, they will be safe enough to move toward you instead of away from you when that happens. The flow of a relationship runs freely as love is your goal and trust is a highly valued gift.  

Believe in the “real” version 

Did you hear in that story how the conversation turned when the parents began to talk about what they loved most about their son?

Every personality has a redeemed and amazing side to it. The person you love might be more of a fighter than a lover! So when you read about this son (above), you think, “wow, must be nice that their son has a soft and warm heart, it’s easy to see the beautiful part of that!” Well, maybe the one you love (your spouse, your loved one) has the gift of passionate persistence and the lion's heart of a leader that will push through resistance and “fight” for truth and justice.

Don’t try and mold and shape the person you love into who you think they should be. Discover and focus on the truth of their identity and embrace the gift that they are. Remind yourself, even keep a gratitude journal of all the fabulous qualities that come with this gift God created! 

Believe the best instead of assuming the worst

Your loved ones can “feel” your judgment, even if you’re not saying the words aloud. Take every thought captive! If you want to think of negative attributes about someone in your life, you can gather up more than enough evidence to prove your Right-ness and how you’ve been wronged. That could very well be true, however:

A wise person demonstrates patience, for mercy means holding your tongue. When you are insulted, be quick to forgive and forget it, for you are virtuous when you overlook an offense. (Proverbs 19:11 tPt).

Believing the best rather than assuming the worst in your loved ones is an invitation to draw them near. For your own sake, start releasing your angry or hurt feelings and thoughts. Stop your mind from obsessing about the past, and focus on the present and future. Turn toward what is going well, what you’re grateful for. You giving attention to the garden of your heart, you have to pull some weeds, sure, but mainly focus on planting flowers.

Live in the land of acceptance

This is not denial! Yet, how do we pursue our misbehaving family in love without condoning their mistakes or behavior? You can accept that person without approving of their behavior. But that doesn’t mean blasting them with reminders of how unapproving their behavior has been. On the contrary, you will emphasize 100% acceptance. Open arms. Caring words. 

We were recently speaking with a couple last week, and we simply asked them to give each other some safe space to heal before we tackle the relationship issues. The marriage relationship cannot be healed until the two precious individuals within the marriage first become healed and whole. 

During a recent session, we felt led to ask them if they would agree to live in the “Land of Acceptance” together. They thought about…looked at each other…paused for a moment, and then both said, “That sounds like a good place to be”. 

Even if your loved one hasn’t invited you to live in the land of acceptance, you can start by letting them live there with you. What a concept!

Don’t demand appreciation

Living in the Land of Acceptance means you simply can’t make your loved ones jump through hoops. I know it’s not easy. I recently reached out to a distant family member by spending a significant amount of time, money, and creative effort to send a present. It’s been a few weeks and I haven’t heard whether they received it, or whether they appreciated it. Yikes! Something in me wants to jump up and down and say, “Hey! Did you get that amazing present of love I sent you?”

All of a sudden it sounds like my love gift wasn’t much of a gift at all. That’s because it comes with a stipulation! Choose not to be “that person”. I want to give without expecting anything in return. Not always easy, but Bob was so amazing with his word picture. “Audrey, you built a beautiful bridge. Now, it’s up to them if they want to come towards you. But, aren’t you glad you built it?”

Yes, I am! Plus, I don’t want to tear that bridge down by suddenly having expectations, or make it difficult by placing a tollgate and demanding payment for a restored relationship. I want to keep that bridge alive, full of love, and ready for any moment that distant relative wants to come over and deepen our relationship. And I will build another one and another one. Why not? When you love, you can’t lose! 

Let’s not be stingy with trust. It’s risky, but when you’re secure, you can level up and get generous with trust. What a wonderful way to live! 

Hear more about this on Episode 152 of the “All About Relationships” podcast with Bob and Audrey.