Is someone around you making excuses?
“I can get over anything, anytime I want to”.
Tapping into the power of choice is a huge contributor to breakthroughs and new beginnings. You get to decide what you want life to be and look like, and then make decisions congruent to that! But if you give your power to others, you are not being responsible.
The person who is responsible is the one that has the ability to respond. Respond-ability is Responsibility. If there’s someone around you making excuses, the best person to confront first...is yourself. Taking responsibility for your reactions protects you from judging, complaining, and continuing the nonsense of dysfunction.
If you’re ready to break cycles, this is a great place to start!
Let’s start with the definition of an excuse. An excuse is a reason that is given to justify an offense or tendency, but its primary purpose is to lessen responsibility. Excuses are inherently negative. The difference between a genuine reason from an excuse is that when someone provides a reason for why something has or hasn’t happened, and offers a solution. When we excuse ourselves, we cover our tracks and don’t admit to personal weakness or failure.
Personality inventories are tools, but they are not excuses. They aren't intended to permit us to indulge our weaknesses! They’re intended to liberate us into singing our true song and recognizing our blindspots. Getting curious about clarity empowers us to grow and mature. Explanations are great, but excuses are the beginning of dysfunction.
We have all felt threatened and have made up excuses, and some are extremely legit. Got it. Defensiveness never solves the problem and it’s usually a cover way of blaming your partner. You can’t fight irresponsibility with irresponsibility. When you have offended a person close to you, don’t make an excuse.
Taking responsibility in a relationship
When you mess up, forget, or even accidentally hurt the other person, a simple conversation of taking respond-ability goes like this:
You’re right. I should have…
I know how important this was for you (validate)
I should have made it important to me.
Let me do it right now. (rectify).
The core of an excuse is fear, which means perfect love is the solution. Even though we can’t love each other perfectly, we can tap into receiving God’s love for ourselves, and then letting it flow into the ones around us.
If I am assuming why someone does something – it will turn to assumption and judgment and become distant. This leads to putting yourself where you can’t hear God and his heart of love. Instead of assuming I can ask, is there something we need to do about it?
Pray for those who are bugging me?
As ones who walk with God, we are called to pray for those who are cruel and thankless. This is my ability to respond. When we do this it breaks the power of dissension in your own heart. Speaking blessing over each other is powerful! When we blame and say that “they” are my problem, or “their” addiction is my problem, or “they” are responsible for my happiness, you are giving all power over to them.
Stop asking: What are they going to do?
Rather: What am I going to do?
Will you let other people's decisions guide your life or will you be responsible and loving?
As we walk in peace and walk in love, you will treat others in a way that feels loving, kind, and truthful.
Taking Responsibility for my Feelings / Reactions
From Audrey: I have been organizing my sub-conscious for several years. When an emotion comes up, or a painful memory resurfaces, I write down the memory and the lie that accompanies it.
I recently woke up from a dream and wanted to shove down my feelings, but I chose to articulate them. I was feeling humiliated, and it was associated with a specific memory.
Now I invite Jesus to be with me as I analyze and resolve this layer that’s covering up the ultimate me, the real me.
Together, we locate the origin of destructive cellular memories that cause me to see things incorrectly. When I see things incorrectly, it results in feelings and thoughts and beliefs of:
I set impossible goals, and then beat myself up
(the very definition of ego!)
But the truth is, I can get over anything, anytime I want to.
I choose to be full of dignity and 100% acceptance
I feel the emotion of dignity and acceptance
I am always full of dignity and self-acceptance.
It’s done! Perfected and accomplished now. I am a new creation, I am dead to the old and damaged me and I am raised with Jesus. Anything Jesus has done, I can do. I DECIDE to put off the old and put on the new.
“You will receive a rich reward and you will be known as true children of the Most High God, having his same nature. Be like your Father who is famous for his kindness to heal, even the thankless and cruel. Overflow with mercy and compassion for others, just as your heavenly Father overflows with mercy and compassion for all.”
Luke 6:35-56 tPt
Hear more about this topic on Episode 92 of All About Relationships Podcast with Bob and Audrey.