Increase Your Respond-ability
Developing the skill to respond
Let’s face it when something is done to you or said to you that REALLY pushes your buttons there’s a good chance you will not respond well. Even if you try hard and read all the right books, that specific thing or subject has the potential to leave you frustrated, impatient, or stubborn. Well, there’s a deeper way to increase your respond-ability.
You’re responsible for my feelings
We all love it when our loved ones are “there for us” but it doesn’t always happen, and we have to keep in perspective that they aren’t our source. Loving responses are wonderful, but if we expect them and depend on them, we will find ourselves in a “mood” and moods are contagious!
Having the overall mindset that your feelings are “their” responsibility will get you in respond-ability trouble. Sure, their words and actions (or lack of them!) aren’t helping your feel-good composure, but in the end, you have the power to experience unconditional love from the only perfect source….and that’s God. Not a pat answer - our literal lifeline!
CARE FOR YOUR OWN FEELINGS AND YOU WILL AUTOMATICALLY BE A GOOD RESPONDER
Care about how you feel. Your feelings are your experience. You can have optimum externals and still “feel” bad. You can have harsh or challenging externals and still “feel” good.
EXAMPLE OF A GREAT CAR
If you care more about how you feel about what is happening, you can start to align your feelings (which is your experience) with God, His Kingdom, His Realities, His perspective.
A simple example - you can have a brand new sports car. A wow car that smells brand new and oozing with luxury. However, if you just had an argument and somebody you love treated you horribly, the feeling of frustration and resentment, and intolerance is brewing in your heart. So as you’re driving in perfect weather, your windows down, in the most amazing car, you aren’t enjoying your drive or your life. On the contrary, you find yourself reacting to other drivers, replaying the conversation in your head, oblivious to the beauty around you.
On the opposite spectrum, you have a car that “works”. It gets you from A to B, but let’s just say it’s not exactly fancy. You have developed and learned the skill to love unconditionally and protect your feelings, which are your experience. Even when someone says or does something offensive, you hardly even notice anymore. It’s like the water on a duck’s back. You have the ability to see the good and believe the best in those you love. You find yourself living a kingdom life, which is righteousness, peace, and joy. So when you jump in your car you notice beauty. The sky, a smile, and peace are bubbling from your inner core, deep inside of you.
Feel better first
But what physical evidence do you have that is permitting you to start feeling better?
We’ve decided that waiting for circumstances to change doesn’t work. In fact, it’s a backward approach! When we demand that we get what we want first, so that we could have a positive emotional response to what’s already happened, we stop co-creating with God! That’s when we observe the circumstances, react, and have knee-jerk reactions. This leads to trying to control the conditions so that you can have a better response and feel better. The result is, you are now powerless because you are just living reactively.
The power of focusing on delight
It’s so fun to create and feel empowered throughout the journey of your day. We can develop our skill of living in the presence of God…living in love and peace…and living in joy. It’s always an available choice.
The more you focus on what you DO have instead of what you DON’T have the easier it becomes the next time until it starts to become your habit and established belief. When you do this repeatedly, that thought becomes dominant. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Hear more about this topic on Episode 124 of All About Relationships Podcast with Bob and Audrey.