How long do I have to suffer?
How long do I put up with this behavior?
How long do I put up with this tension and frustration?
My loved one has an addiction
My loved one is unable to connect emotionally
My loved one enforces unrealistic demands on me
The definition of longsuffering
Longsuffering is when choose to suffer long, to create space for restoration and a turnaround. Love is an uncommon power to cope with suffering. Suffering takes us captive and pins us down, and can lead us to be stuck in loneliness, failure, rejection, oppression, poverty, or pain. Love gives us the power to suffer long and also gives us the power to see the reasons for rejoicing even while we are suffering.
The difference between longsuffering and suffering
Suffering is experiencing anything we absolutely do not want to experience. The difference between suffering and longsuffering is: To suffer is to be a victim, blaming those around you wallowing in self-pity. To be longsuffering is to free! To make the deliberate and intentional choice to live indefinitely with something we hate.
Suffering is passive and powerless. Longsuffering is strong and intentional. Human strength alone is incapable of longsuffering. When we choose longsuffering, we tap into God’s love, divine love, something called Agape love. This kind of love moves us towards someone without any demand for rewards.
The difference between Human Love and Divine Love
Human love alone, also called natural love, is called Eros. Without divine love, Eros is demanding and ravenous where waiting is too difficult and highly inconvenient. Eros wants satisfaction sooner than later and will go crazy without reward, relief, and attention.
Agape is the divine strength that is not driven by need, so it has the power to wait. Agape is God’s love inside of us that accepts life and finds goodness in everyday situations, even those we despise. Again, this kind of love moves us towards someone without any demand for rewards.
Agape love is a powerful person who chooses to be weak. It’s impossible to love with Agape love unless you are partnering with God in a very personal way, and receiving strength, mercy, and affection from Him daily.
Does this make the longsuffering people doormats?
We can understand situations when the “other person” doesn’t have a choice. Sickness, disease, and tragedy are sometimes permanent and unchanging. Learning to choose life within these limitations is when love becomes powerful and deepened.
What about the person who is refusing to change their dysfunction? What about living with someone who is controlling or mean, or addicted? When is enough, enough? Does long-suffering enable people to be jerks in the relationship? Wouldn’t it be better if I refused to remain in this dysfunction? Does my longsuffering enable a person to function without facing their selfishness?
There are lines to be drawn. The big question, one that is very personal is, how long do I put up with this? What do I do within this dysfunction?
An example is a wife with an alcoholic husband - her natural love runs out, she continues to love him with no return on her investment. This divine love gives her the power to suffer long.
Love not only suffers long but also seeks justice. The alcoholic will suffer consequences for his choices. The truth of consequences can be seen and felt. The loving wife will have to make her husband feel the truth by drawing the line in the privileges he receives. This isn’t a failure of love, it is the work of love. But only she can know when that moment has come.
When I turn off suffering for the sake of my relief, I turn it off too soon. Agape love creates a space where the feeling of love, natural love can be resurrected. It allows time for a revival. It uses creative hope that love will live. With agape, we suffer long, but we suffer from a place of hope.
Love is not cowardly
Love doesn’t suffer long because it’s scared to confront wrong and fight it. Love is not cowardly. Love suffers long so that TIME can be created for redemptive power to do its work so that justice can be fought for without any hasty and needless pain. So that healing may be possible and suffering can finally cease.
The difference between longsuffering and denial
Longsuffering is power in the middle of painful circumstances and attitudes.
A denial of reality is when you accept injustice as your lot in life.
We are asked to accept unjust persons out of love.
We are not asked to accept the injustice by the unjust people.
Longsuffering is the work of love giving us the power to suffer,
but not to accept what is unacceptable.
God isn’t the cause of evil. God is light and in him is no darkness at all... we never thank god for evil or suffering. Love empowers us to suffer evil but not to affirm it as good. There are lines to be drawn, but love is your power to suffer longer than you think you can. When we accept ourselves and our future in the face of a deep loss or persistent frustration, we are living in love’s power. The power to suffer long may be one of life’s most needed gifts.
Hear more about this topic on Episode 75 of All About Relationships Podcast with Bob and Audrey