Do you really know your spouse?
Many relationships revert into ruts, where nothing changes, and everything remains the same. And it’s not necessarily fantastic. This happens with our spouses, kids, parents, and even friends. Is there something I can do today? (you may ask) and the answer is a resounding YES.
The Treasure Hunt
Just like “X” marks the spot in a treasure hunt, loving someone in a way they feel valued will hit the mark and begin to ignite love, enjoyment, and even spontaneity in a family. Asking yourself the question, “How can I show value to those around me?” is an incredibly wise and important question. Instead of waiting for others to make you feel valued, you are officially invited to get the party started.
Do I take care of my relationships - as though they are my treasure?
When you treasure something, you recognize its value and you take care of it. If it is your active desire and commitment to be happy in your relationships, start with personal responsibility and make a pivot. It is your choice to create the life you want to live, so assuming personal responsibility for your actions, responses, thoughts, and feelings is the perfect start, and then emphatically refuse to blame others for your unhappiness or lack of success.
Here are three ways to communicate value:
1. I value your point of view
The inability to see things from another’s perspective is at the root of relationship problems. We naturally place ourselves in the center of our universe and our story.
And no matter how long we have lived with someone, we don’t have the same point of view as the other person! Sometimes it’s easy to forget that our point of view is not the only way to look at things. When you’re able to see and understand someone else’s perspective, it can help us communicate better.
We need some shifts in focus to see the world through another person’s eyes. Generally, our resistance to do so comes from two sources: 1) we “know” we are right and the other person is wrong; or 2) we think if we had to see things from the other’s point of view, we might have to give up our own.
You can’t learn the other’s point of view without really wanting to know...and listening with love, empathy and understanding is a learned art and a beautiful way to show value.
2. I discover what’s important to you
When are you happiest?
What are you most proud of these days?
When do you feel most fulfilled?
What is most challenging for you these days?
3. I see “The real you...the best you”
Do I want to truly know you, or just correct you? When I see you through God’s eyes, I have regained sight. Whenever you are with me, you will feel valuable, because I will never give up on the amazing creation that you are. No matter what the conversation, activity, or task, you are important when you are with me. Remember that every person in your life has something to teach you, and you can choose to honor that within them.
Those who know where the treasure is, gladly abandon everything else to secure it. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Hear more about this on Episode 88 of “All About Relationships with Bob and Audrey