The most loving thing!
We don’t have to have a ton of relationships, but we all need people in our lives who get us.
Instead of waiting for a problem to arise, why not be proactive and plan to “do the most loving thing for everyone involved”? Remember, problems are really just a lack of understanding. So let’s be proactive in understanding ourselves, and our loved ones, and develop skills in reaching each other’s hearts.
Enduring love is a choice made through everyday actions. Here are some signs that love isn’t a choice:
Ignoring or dismissing your partner’s needs or concerns
Not communicating
Taking your partner for granted
Being critical or judgmental
Keeping secrets
Pushing someone to change the way they are - to please your preferences
Belittling your partner in private or in front of others
No longer demonstrating affection.
Love isn't just “a choice to sacrifice”. If our love is only a choice or obligation then it’s not yet what it ought to be. Without joy, it’s difficult to define the relationship as true love.
Most loving thing #1: JOYFUL SACRIFICE
I choose to sacrifice but my decision is rooted in a free choice, motivated by joy. If we choose to do the right thing with a bad attitude, we are not expressing true love. Love is a joyful sacrificial choice done for the benefit of another. Without joy, you don’t have love, and without love, you want to have true joy. Not only does true love require a joyful sacrifice, but a loving sacrifice will also actually produce more joy for you!
Most loving thing #2: KINDNESS
Think of bricks building a house…kindness is the glue…the mortar that keeps it all together. Kindness is one of the most important predictors of satisfaction and stability in relationships. Kindness makes your loved ones feel cared for, understood and validated.
Most loving thing #3: GIVE FREELY
A heart of generosity and willingness to give-give-give fosters amazing love. Recognizing needs, and knowing what the other person is craving…that’s how you can love accurately and give gifts, encouragement, compliments, quality time, and even fun surprises.
Most loving thing #4: SEE THE BRIGHT SIDE
It’s human nature to have a negativity bias: we’re more sensitive to what’s going wrong than what’s going right. It’s how we’re wired, a means to keep ourselves safe. But life is about more than just being safe! Let’s change all that, defy nature and see the bright side. Let’s wake up every day and see the good that happens and see the best in the ones we love, and give them the benefit of the doubt.
Most loving thing #5: FIND WAYS TO CARE
Seek them out! Look for ways to show that you care. Be thoughtful. Put down your phone and focus fully on the person in front of you. Texts and emails will be there later. The person in front of you won’t.
Most Loving Thing #6: LISTEN WITH WARMTH
Be a sponge! Listen without reacting. Absorb each other’s news, pain, struggles, and celebrations. Instead of plotting what I’m going to say next, or collecting mental buckets of sage advice, I can’t wait to dole out, I will listen completely, with the primary goals of understanding and being there.
IN CLOSING…
Someone who cares, gives freely, is thoughtful and takes time connecting, and has joy in their sacrifices - This is the kind of friend I want to have and the kind of friend I want to be. This is the kind of spouse and parent I want to be. Because life is all about people. And all people need love.
Hear more about this on Episode 156 of the “All About Relationships” podcast with Bob and Audrey.